25.

It's time for an update. Let's see. Yesterday was Friday, I worked.. Napped.. Woke up and showered. Jill came over and then we got Laur, and we went to the mall and olive garden.  The mall was the worst idea ever. I can't stand Monmouth Mall to begin with, but it was over crowded with little hot-topic worshiping teens. I forgot that people hang out at the mall, but I guess that's because I never did. ha, whateverrrr. We went to Jill's to get her macbook, and then to my house to smoke. my mom caught us. that was weird. I didn't get in trouble, which was weird but I don't know how I feel about it. My mom was okay with it, she was just mad my window was open... haha whaaaaaat. just weird. I don't want her to think less of me because it's not something I do often..at ALL. ever actually. Ive only ever with marissa before. martina twice, and now jill and lauren. It's not something I am going to continue with, because, well, i'm just not someone who smokes weed all the time. (not that its a bad thing for people that do) I don't know. Then we went to Wendy's and Jill ordered in a freaking english accent which was HILARIOUS. and there was a truck blocking the drive thru. hahahah., then we went to BK for a veggie burger for me :) and then back to lauren's house where we slept.

I woke up this morning and went to work, did my thang, and then came home. there was people here already, including my uncle mike(my pop pops brother) who I was so absolutely happy to FINALLY meet. He lives in philadelphia and he's a splitting image of my grandpa. I was actually so happy I nearly teared just when I met him, he's so cute. So while we were waiting for guests to arrive, I did my hair and put on some clothesss. Once they all got here, I called my grandpa. I told him to come pick me up because I wanted to take him out to eat. and to come in the house because my dad had a gift for him. haha well he came in and we all yelled surprise, he was soooooooo absolutely surprised and he had no idea. it was the cutest thing ever. he was holding back some big tears... all HIS side of the family was there, that he hadn't seen in YEARS.

Man. I love my grandpa. (I posted a picture of him when he was younger up there. soo cute)

I just napped until like  8 when Kristen called me. She's coming over to hang out with meeee. along with Jill and Kristie. IDK about anyone else.

Tomorrow's superbowl annnnnd, I'm not doing shiiiiiit.

24.

I almost made a post about how I have no friends, but then I refrained, to save you all trouble.

Work was good today, I did the usual. Dip fruit into chocolate. We got paid a day early too. I forgot my wallet at home today(this happens often) so I didn't cash my check. My plans are for today..to hopefully cash my check. put money in the bank. pay my bills. buy a month of tanning. tan. and then come home. 

I am putting money away every pay check for the start of my half sleeve on Feb 28. It's so weird, I wasn't planning on starting my half sleeve for a WHILE now. But whatever. I want my feet done too. and I need to get my toes touched up because they're fading.

I'm so tired and lazy I never want to do anything. I want a gym member ship, just so I have something to do after work other than sleep and go through pages and pages of icanhascheezburger.com.

My mom made me the best salad ever today. This vegetarian thing is going along pretty well. I'm soo happy I bought this dressing @ costco when I did, because it's DELICIOUS.

Katarina came over yesterday for a couple hours with Erica. We painted on rings because we were bored.

This is pointless, and stupid. byeee.

23.

My days are sooo boring! I can't believe I went to bed with normal weather and woke up with all the snow on the ground. I can't wait till ground hogs day. hah. But, for real.. I can't wait for the spring.

In exactly a month from now I am getting tattooed by Chris from Body Mods at the Philadelphia Tattoo Convention. I'm soooooooooo excited for it.

Momma & I went to the store today & got me some new stuff to eat for lunch. This weekend is looking pretty lonely. I got nothin' to do on Friday besides work. Saturday I have work and my grandpa's 75th surprise party, and Sunday i'm not doign anything. Maybe I'll pick up my nintendo from Mike's if my mom lets me. Speaking of Mike, he texted me today. really weird.

ANYWAYS. I did nothing productive today whatsoever. I am going to re arrange my room and get rid of my desk. My bed room is going to be the most boring thing ever. I need a tv in here. 

With that being said, my dad & I are building shelfs in my room for my stuff from japan, and possibly for books.

I finally am going to do deliveries on Mondays, once the weather clears up. it's pretty cool. 

asdoiasodashd I can't wait for my tattoo :D!!

22.

Last night was a lot of fun. I hate that he's leaving, and I wont see him till like, mid-february maybe later. shit reeeeeally sucks.

Ray left at like 620am ish and I didn't go to work today. I was supposed to, work is really important to me, but my friends come first. I feel bad that I called out but there was no way I was going to work and actually be able to function. so I slept all day and here I am. my shows come on..now actually but I don't like to watch it live because I like being able to skip through the commercials. 

Kat told me that I forgot my license in her car. actually my whole wallet. so I couldn't drive to work today anyway. 

Now I'm just talking online waiting for a couple minutes to go past so I can watch my show. I want ice cream or something but we don't have any here. except rays, from like last week. but i'm not gonna eat it on him. and right now i'm looking at shavers for him from my dads company.

okay. time to go get cereal and watch tv. byeee

21.

Welp, lets see. I had a really eventful weekend. 

Friday, I had work, cashed my check and came home. I ate lunch and waited for Katarina to come over. I fell asleep waiting for her. When she got here I had just gotten out of the shower and we got ready and went out to get sushi. I got vegetable teriyaki. It was pretty good. We came home and watched the damn show dvd, and then video chatted with Sky and Bean. Then we got bored and went to chili's for dessert. I fell asleep pretty early that night. 

Saturday, I got up for work and worked till about 12. picked up marissa. filled the tank. went home. got ready. went to a pizza place. went to frankies to get the gps. then left for the tattoo convention. The drive was so easy. we parked in the lot and head in to the convention. we got there about 630ish. we met up with mark in the lobby and he took us in. we found kristen, then wandered around a bit. we decided to goto inner harbor and get food. we got chipoltes, my friggin favorite-ist place to eat ever... and i got vegetarian tacos. sooo different than what i'm used to getting, but i loved it anyways. we went back to the convention and kristen told us to go up to the room. so we all went up and the hotel room was literally a party. marissa and kat went downstairs to see marissas artist.  anton, fubu, fiacco?, i think fubu's girlfriend and two other dudes were in there. and then within like 20 minutes everyone was outta the room. marissa and kat came back upstairs and we sat around for a bit and then went downstairs. this girl had a fennox? fox. cutest thing ever. I want one soooo bad now hahaha. and then we hung out till like 230 and i passed out.

today we woke up and kristen curled my hair while we caught up. then we drove home. we put in the gps the "no tolls" option and it took us a different way. the scenery was pretty gorgeous and i'm happy we did that. then we went to wawa and i noticed i had gift cards in my wallet and i checked how much was on it. we all got food with them. i had like 12$ left. pretty cool. then sum 41 came on the radio and we got hyper while we were driving through the town. thennnn we got pretty far on 295 and i didn't want to drive anymore cause i was tired so i switched with marissa. we dropped marissa off and came to my house. me and kat hung out for a while and then billy came over. now i'm sitting here posting my weekend and video chatting with bean. and im waiting for ray to come  over but he's still at band practice. blah.

20.

Today was an exciting day at work. I went on a couple deliveries and I'm going to be delivering on Mondays. exciting. woo.

I called Penn College today, and I have to go there on February 23rd to set up my classes. and I'm also going to go there on March 11th with Kat because she has her placement test then and I'll just wait for her while it's going on.

My sister's baby shower is on March 22nd. She's due on Kat's birthday.. April 17. WEIRD STUFF.

Umm. IDK what else to say. I'm gonna go watch food network, and probably take a nap. and definitely take a shower.

:) bye.

19.

Work was good today. I don't know what's going on lately, things are boring. I need to go to the doctors, I haven't been able to get my checkup since my blood work anyways, and I need to see what happened with my medicine.

I fell asleep today at like 230 and woke up at 6, and thought it was like 6 in the morning. that would have been awesome if I fell asleep all night.

Anywaysssss, I wanted to write more in my last entry but Jill and I were so tired so we went to bed.

Jose Tejas was delicious, I got black bean & corn empanadas and seriously one little one filled me up. I brought the rest home with me. Manny's last day here is Saturday, seeing as he's moving to Arizona on Sunday. It's gonna be so weird not seeing him anymore, and I don't want to begin thinking about it. and Ray's leaving for tour next week again, it's gonna suck, bad. I'm gonna be so friendless it's disgusting, seeing as they were the only friends I hung out with for months. and it also SUCKS that Kat lives at Frankies because I can't just walk over to her house when I'm bored anymore. I mean.. I can but I'd have to hang out with her mom and john or michael and well.. I love them and all but I mainly go there for Kat. I'm really happy that Jill and I are hanging out again because I love the little girl to death. and then there's Marissa who goes to stupid college that sucks and I only get to see her if she comes home on the weekends.

Okay, I'm rambling about my friends now. I'm really just bored, and I have no one to talk to because no one talks to me during the day.

I've been talking to Ian  lately, which is good, he's gonna help me with the whole vegetarian thing.. which is awesome and I'm doing so greatly at so far.. granted, I do know a lot seeing as I hung out with Solveig almost every day of my life a couple years ago and she is one too. I learned a lot from her. We're(Ian and I) gonna go to this place called Veggie Heaven up north, he said it's amazing and delicious, so I'm excited for that.

So, I'm gonna start applying at dental offices for jobs because not having steady hours really gets on my nerves. Chrystal sent me one on craigslist today, and I applied. I hope it's close because it looks like a great job.

and I'm beginning to think I might be single the rest of my life.

If this is the case when I'm like 30, I'm going to adopt a baby.

I think about too much. but that's what happens when I don't talk to anybody during the day besides people I work with. 

and I had a dream that Bella was sleeping on me, (which she was) and my mom told me that I better watch out because Bella's fleas will go into my armpit and into my shirt... hahaha. weirdest thing because she's probably one of the cleanest cats I've ever seen in my life.

okay.  I need to stop. byeeeeeeeeeee.

18.

Today was a good day. I worked. Came home. Took a nap. Woke up. Showered. Did my hair. Went to my POP POP's house. Visited Jill at work. Got Gas.

Picked up Ray from Mij's and went to Manny's house. Hung out for a while & Jill met up with us and we hung out for a little bit more. We went out to eat at Jose Tejas and met up with Janise and this kid Emia.

Now Me and Jill are sitting here and my mom just flipped out on me and seriously looked like a psycho/dragon.

uh, I'm tired. Good Night.

17.

By the way, I plan on buying these ^ soon. I'm thinking of getting another job.

Amongst other things, I plan on opening another savings account, and putting money into it. I plan on Fixing my car, and buying some new clothes when I have extra money.

16.

Last night, I ripped my room apart and cleaned it. I re-arranged my closet and my draws.  I'm so excited for that, I got rid of a lot of useless clothing. Joey came over and we hung out for a little bit and then Devin came over and we went to the diner. It was a lot of fun, I haven't seen Devin in FOREVER, so it was nice seeing him. Devin dropped us off, Joey checked his stuff on my computer and then left. I got in a really weird/upset mood last night and I'm thankful that Martina was there for me to talk to me, especially since i've been acting really shady towards her lately. That's what friends are for though :) . I didn't go to work this morning, so I slept till about twelve. My grandpa picked me up and we went to Walmart( I got a flannel), and  Lay-z-boy or whatever, looked at stuff there. Went to the Woodbridge mall, and I got 2 cardigans(a red one and a blue one) at Hollister. Then we went to Costco, and my grandpa got stuff for his house. and now, I'm here. Cold. Tired.

This Saturday, Katarina & I are going to the Baltimore Tattoo Convention. We have nothing else to do.

Oh and I decided to try and become a vegetarian today, and it's working out smoothly. I'm going to look up a bunch of recipes and maybe start making my own dinner and stuff. I want to try out some vegan recipes too, although I'm not going vegan.

okay. bye.

15.

And I'm afraid

to sleep because of what haunts me

such as living with the uncertainty

that i'll never find the words to say

which would completely explain

just how I'm breaking down.

Someone come and, someone come and save my life

maybe i'll sleep when I am dead

but now it's like the night is taking sides

with all the worries that occupy the back of my mind

could it be this misery will suffice?

~~~~~~~~

I have so many feelings bottled up. I hate it.

14.

What happens when the summer's over?

How long before distance becomes a chore?

I'm approaching with great, great trepidation.

I hope you'll understand.

Well, it's Sunday and that means the weekend is over, which I am NOT happy about.

I'm all blaaaah because Bean and Skylar had to leave this morning. It's always great when they are here. I had an amazing weekend.

Well today is Manny's goodbye show, but since I don't have a car, I couldn't go. I didn't realize how quick he was moving. A week from today. It doesn't seem real. I'm going to miss him, but hopefully when Kat & I go to Arizona we can meet up with Manny when we're there.

I gotta go apply for financial aid again. and do some school stuff. see ya.

edit: I didn't apply for financial aid or do any of the stuff for school but I re-arranged my closet, cleaned it out well, got rid of a LOT of clothing, and cleaned my room and made my bed and alll that good stuff. I'm going to TRY and sleep.

<3

13.

A year ago yesterday I was cheated on. ^_^

Yesterday, Jill and I drove to Philly to see City & Colour. Let me freaking tell you that they were fucking AMAZING live. FLAWLESS. SERIOUSLY. I was sooooo happy I got her those tickets for xmas. 

Today is Friday. I'm pretty excited about that. Skylar and Bean are on there way to my house for the weekend.

I am going to shower now and finish getting ready. :)

12.

11.

Please excuse my fucked up attitude, but I don't give a fuck about you.

I decided to write a entry about myself.

but then I decided I would get no where with it.

Anyways, 

This week is going by slower than expected. I'm tired and I'm hungry. I just want tomorrow to come, so I can see City and Colour, and then the next day is Friday. :). Marissa might be a little more excited than I am for this weekend. I'm really happy for her.  I'm also freeezing. I want to rip my heart out of my chest. My heart is cold. I feel like I don't have real feelings. ever. It annoys me. There's no reason for it to be like that, but it just is. I'm not interested in a relationship, but then again, I am...very much so.

I got problemz but a betch aint one.

Bored as shit. I don't know what to say.

Someone save me.

10.

I bought Betsey Johnson socks and they didn't fit over mine or Marissa's feet.

Just sayin'

09.

I can't go to the Pocono's this weekend. I have to work. but Skylar & Bean are coming over :D I'm ecstatic about that. I feel bad about not going to the Pocono's but I can't just ditch work. and I don't have any clothes to go skiing anyway. All weekend we're hangin' and Saturday we're going to the Mongoloids show I guess.

Anyways.

I bought some ring maker for Marissa and I. we basically just paint on a piece of plastic in a shape of a ring. and voila.  

I'm about to go in the shower. I stopped taking one of my medications, but I'm still taking the other two. I haven't been able to go to the doctors to check up on my blood work but hopefully I can get on that soon. Also, I have to make a dentist appointment soon. 

I'm not looking forward to valentines day.  I mean, I never do because I've never spent it with anyone... but I'm not looking forward to dipping 1949830 strawberries at work for it. hahaha. hopefully I get out early because Marissa & I have plans. ;)

ohhhhh...this weekend. I can't wait. <3

08.

I'm writing just to write. I'm weird. I bought a bowl yesterday. I don't even smoke...  and I don't plan on making a habit out of it. The only time I smoke is when I'm with Marissa, because I trust her. I don't like when people think less of me when/IF I smoke. It's natural and it comes from the ground. Don't judge me :).

I day dream too much.

I want to cuddle all day long.

Someday I would like to have a ROMANTIC boyfriend.

Someday I wish guys would look at me and think I am pretty and funny. and not like the ugly, fat, boring person/friend I am.

Sometimes I wish to not think so negatively about myself.

Sometimes I wish I could stop thinking I annoy people when I don't.

Sometimes I wish I wasn't scared.

Sometimes I wish I were good enough.

Sometimes I wish I had confidence.

Sometimes I wish...

AGAIN, WHY AM I SO WEIRD?

I post in here way more than I post in my live journal.

I think I like this better.

Don't mind these annoying random posts. 

07.

My week this week looks exciting. ...but not really.

I have work Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday..

Thursday I'm going to Philly to see City and Colour, I'm REEEEALLY excited for that. Friday, Saturday and Sunday I will be in PA to ski/snowboard/snow tube in the Pocono's? and I'm coming back on Monday morning I think.

Man, I wish I were starting college this semester. I'm like really >:O about it. but whateverrrr. and I think I'm going to get a night job to keep me busy. I'm bored with my life. Work isn't busy whatsoever

Tonight I went and saw Milk with Katarina, Marissa and Kristen. It was a goooood movie.

This is pointless. Goodnight.

06.

Work was boring as usual today. On Monday I get to actually make the arrangements instead of dipping fruit in chocolate, or putting fruit on skewers. In a little bit, Kat, Marissa & I are going to a sex shop. We have nothing to do today. The snow sucks. I don't have work tomorrow. I'm bored with life.

It's so nice not having any drama in my life. I love having friends that don't cause it.

I just want to sleep forever. I'm so anxious for school and I don't even start for MONTHS. I hope this year goes by quick. I would really love to get all of those things on my list done...but I know some of those things are just out of the question.

I want a little puppy.

I want too much.

05.

I woke up this morning to a great text message. Ray is coming home, the weather is too bad for them to be touring. I'm so excited. Tonight is the annual soccer awards dinner. I dyed my hair.. I had ugly roots. umm. I'm about to paint my nails and put lotion on. My hair doesn't look any different. 

I haven't been in a good mood these past two days, and I don't like it. I definitely know why too. Eh. whatever.

Bye.

04.

Okay, here we go with my list.

these aren't in order:

1. Spend more time with my family/animals.

2. Stop thinking that I am a burden to everyone in the world. (this probably wont happen.)

3. Lose a LOT of weight/start going to the gym/buy a gym membership.

4. Eat healthier.

5. Make new friends

6. Grow my nails out.

7. Trim my hair every few weeks to keep it healthy.

8. Save up a bunch of money.

9. Try to like myself.

10. Be completely happy.

11. Maybe get a boyfriend(if that's possible) 

and that's all I got so far. When I think of more, I will add onto the list.

03.

Let's see. I have this weird feeling inside me that I just really don't like at all. I'm confused about some things but there's no reason for me to be confused. Things are not complicated for me whatsoever but I think too much into things and make it complicated for myself.

I'm retarded.

I finally have work today after three days of not enough business for me to go in. I miss fruit. hAAAAAAAAH

I'm going to think of a list of things at work I want to change about myself/improve about me. and I will post it when I get home.

la vie boheme

02.

here's a post from my journal from the new year of 2007.

"

[21 Jan 2007|11:00pm]

[ mood |  complacent ] I need to grow up & stop being a baby, and stop pushing every boy I come in contact with, away. and I need to stop being rude to people for no reason. and I need to stop pushing friends away.  I love the girls I work with, and I love hanging out with them. I just figured out my new years resolution : stop being afraid of every good thing that might come into my life, and stop pushing things away that are good for me.

post comment

"

(If you can't read that just highlight it)

that never happened. I still do this. I won't hang out with new people. I'm a scaredy cat of everything that could be good in my life. I'm skeptical of every person I meet. ESPECIALLY guys. I don't trust ANYONE, except my family, and Kat & Marissa.

WHY?

01.

So I've had this blog for quite some time.. but I usually post in my lj.

reading back on my old entries on here just.. i don't know. I had to delete them. but I'm starting fresh with a new layout & new entries. I would love to post every day, but I don't have a very exciting life.

Let's start with Christmas Eve.. I don't know if I can remember every day since then. I have a terrible memory.

Christmas Eve: I worked from 7-2:30 ish, my boss gave us a gift. a 50$ gift certificate and her husband came in with champagne/smirnoff/beers to celebrate. and lunch. we ate and I had a sip, although I don't drink. So I left work and did some shopping. Went to church at 7. then went out to eat with my grandfather at applebee's. afterwards I went to Solveig's and hung out for quite some time.

Christmas: My sister slept over with her pregnant belly in my bed. We woke up and opened presents. I got new cookbooks, a new leopard print comforter, a betsey johnson purse and a new macbook. Then we were done opening presents and I picked Martina up at the train station. We went to my nana's. Then we came home and we were bored. Jill came over and we went to 7-11 and the movies. Ray, Ryan, Bryan, Manny and Mij came over. We all hung out till like 330. Ray left for tour on the 26th. 

I have no idea what I did on the 26th.

 or the 27th, 28th, 29th, 30th. except for working.

I have the worst memory.

So new years eve. so low key. I spent it with Kat Frankie and this kid Joe. kinda boring.. I was falling asleep. no new years kiss no nothing. I only wanted it from a certain someonem but not even. uhhh..whatever. no one knows who I'm talking about. anyway, It was fun just boring. does that make sense? no. but whatever.

Everything has been a blur since. I just go to work in the morning, come home and play on my laptop. Last Saturday was the soccer expo and this Friday is the soccer awards dinner.

On Sunday, Me, Marissa, Martina, Kat and Sandra went to Philly to see Trapped Under Ice. good show. got hit in my eye ball. that's okay though. It didn't bruise or anything, just watered for a long time. We got sonic in PA on our way home. Skylar texted me and told me him & Bean were coming over. We dropped off Sandra and then Kat. and realized Martina wasn't going to make the train. so we drove her home, We had to kill time anyways.

So: Skylar and Bean took forever to get here but it's absolutely okay because I'm happy they got here safe. They got here at like 6:30 am. hahahaha. anyways. They got here and we decided to watch RENT. I love that musical. so much. we didn't go to sleep at alllllllllllllllllllllllll. We were all so lazy all day. so about around like.. 4pm maybe? we went to bed. got up and went to dinner at chili's. went to blockbuster and got some gay movie. not another gay movie I think it was called.  literally. I enjoyed it though, I thought it was funny. When I was watching it, I was thinking, what the fuuuuuuck is going on? But when it was over I realized I liked it. It was a legit funny movie. They stayed over until yesterday at like.. 3:00. It started snowing lightly over here. I didn't want them to leave :[.

But now Marissa and I are just sitting here. on our laptops. hungry for lunch with nothing good in this house.

I'm out.