66.

I'm just never happy with what I have.

65.

I really need to update and just let everything out but I'm lazy.

and that's the problem to all of my problems. I'm lazy

how do I go about changing that? I need to.

school stinx

i'm laying in bed when i should be ready to go already.. ugh. ill go in later

and then i have work at 5-1030 at forever 21. i like it there a lot but honestly idk what i'm gonna do when the holiday comes. it is already starting to wear me down. i have time for nothing and no one, not even myself and if i get my hours cut there's really no point in having a job. I just can't wait till I'm out of school and I can work at a salon. or something

UUGGGGGGGGGGGGGH

64.

I started school Monday. It rules.

So tired though. and I might work at DaVinci's instead of foodtown. tips sound aesome.

ugh. Sorry blogspot, I'm lamez.

63.

This weekend was a lottttttt of fun.

Jenn and I saw some crazy things this weekend.

Hershey was so much fun.

Saturday night when we drove to sonic, we went through some CRAZY ASS BRIDGE that said "perfect time for a photo op" sprayed in grafiti. I didn't get to see it but she did, and said it was mad creepy.

when we got off that bridge we saw a horse & buggy with headlights. wtf?

haha. I'm off tomorrow, and tuesday. back to the gymmmmmmm.

I'm going to see Green Day tomorrow night @ MSG.

I love that I can hangout with Jenn every day without getting tired of/ annoyed with her. I really do. She's awesome. I'm so happy we're friends.

62.

Today has been awesome so far. I woke up early, got ready and waited for Marissa. We got my paycheck and we went to a thrift shop. Then we got bagels, and went to find me some new sun glasses.

I got two pairs at AC Moore. I'd never expect to get sunglasses there.. but I did and they're awesome. I'm hungry.

hangoutzzzz tonight. so exciteddddd. i might nap before. lalala. partay.

okay! bye.

61.

<3

Guys are all the same, and I'm not sure why I think some can be different.

No one has proven me wrong thus far, and I don't really see if that would even happen.

So I lead a single life, and it's not that fun. It's quite boring.

What's even more boring is... the food I have to eat to lose 43 pounds to be considered for the Navy. I got it down though, and I can't wait to start working out. Working out makes me feel wonderful, I don't know why I stopped.

This weekend will be a totally fun weekend. I can't make it to Solveig's birthday party but I plan on leaving her presents at her house, drop them off at her job, or leave them here with my momma and she can give them. Connecticut with Jill(Stack) will be awesome, and I can't wait for it. I can't wait to shop. I just want so many things and my paycheck will be awesome this week, although I am leaving lots of money home.

I guess I'm going to start updating in here again. It's doing me good.

60.

HI!! I miss writing in here.

Today I went to the beach w/ Marissa and Jill Stack.

it was fuuuuuun.

Going to Connecticut this weekend with Jill(stack) and my grandpa. I'm excited.

I requested off next Saturday(the 18th) to goto Pa to see Chris.

I need to get an oil change this weekend while I'm away. I'm going to leave my momma money to do it for meeee.

Monday morning at 1015 am, a couple of girls from work and I are all going to get our nails done - and then me and Shannon are going to make food for all of us at her apartment. I'm exciteddddddddd :D

uuummm. yeahhhh. nothing else to say -_-. I want to get a regular journal so I can write instead of type that way I can get everything I want to say out :)

58.

I never update anymore! what is going on. jeez.

well, on my birthday I got my hair done and I fucking hated it.

Tomorrow, Jenn is graduating. I'm pretty sure I spent the whole months of april may and june with her..every day.so i'm going to that. 

tomorrow I'm dying my hair myself. I'm super excited, can't wait till it's done. ummmm.

test tomorrow in math.

I don't want to goto english anymore, I need to drop it. I changed ALL of my plans for the future recently.

no college, but I am taking a dental radiology course.

I have a photo shoot on Thursday, the 18th. I'm excited. 

Lets see. 

I'm supeeer tired.

nuh nitesz.

57.

Ah. I never update this blog anymore. I want to. I just don't.

I'm just as lonely as ever. Lonely is the only feeling I know anymore.

I'm working in the city today & tomorrow, which always makes me happy.

Cara is in alabama? so I'm covering for her.

Foodtown gives me good ass hours even though I have class every morning.

I can't wait till they're over. June 29th. exciting.

I'm re-thinking this whole Penn College thing. I did get approved for a Fed. Stafford loan but they only give me like 1,200 dollars. That would seriously pay for one class, and that's it. I need like 25,000 to survive at that college.

Shits wack.

I need to get my stuff together. I NEED to go to college.

I'm tired.

I'm thinking about school in New York. it sounds absolutely wonderful to me.

this is random. i'm just trying to kill time.

56.

ITS MY BIRTHDAYYYY

55.

Things aren't going too swell as of lately.

I still haven't been approved for a loan for college. Time is really coming down on me. I have three months left to get a loan, and by the way it's looking from here.. I'm not getting one.

It sucks.

My birthday is Sunday, but I'm not going to do anything for it. I mean I'm going to hang out with the girls from work, (who I LOVE) and Jill of course. Not really sure who else is gonna hangout with me seeing as I have Jill, Sam, Marissa and Jenn as my only girl friends.. its weird. I mean they're not my only girl friends, but they're the only ones who have been here for me as of lately. Sam and Jenn have been awesome, and I've only known them for two months. hmm. Rays leaving for tour on Friday. So yeah. :[. booooo. But, I hope this weekend will be an awesome one.

OH!

I'm going back to blonde on Saturday morning :)

I'm so excited.

I was gonna have Solveig do it, but she's charging me WAY more than the salon I goto is.

and by WAY more, I mean 20 bucks, 70 dollars.. and she was only going to highlight my hair. and 20 bucks is 20 bucks. they're charging me 50$ at the salon for a double process..and it will be done all on saturday. weoo0o0. I can't wait for my birthday.  haha. the big 1-9.

I can legally buy cigarettes in new jersey... that's about it.

and I don't smoke. -_-

54.?

MEXICO Is AQWESOME SO FAR

53.

I just want back in your head.

52.

F YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUU.

today was sooooo gorgeous outside.

went shopping for mexico, only got 2 pairs of shorts.

stores suck lately.

i need to get more stuff.

maybe tomorrow O_O

I don't have work. so yeah.

51.

Five freaking days till I go to Mexico.

I can't wait.

50.

My life is pretty boring, I have nothing good to post about.

I work two jobs, e v e r y d a y. It seems I get less and less sleep every night, but it's okay. I'm leaving for Cancun in 9 days, and I'm too excited, but not even ready! I need to shop for summer clothes, asap. 

Hopefully a couple weeks after mexico, I will be quitting one of my jobs. not sure which yet. but, I really need the money, so we'll see.

I'm hungry, I gotta eat breakfast and get ready for work. I work 11-6 0r 630 today, I'm not completely sure.

I want to goto California sometime soon. within the next few months.

oh, and April 16 is Marissa's birthday. The 17th is Kat's. 18th is Kitti's. 23rd is Martina's.

the 19th is Katarina's birthday party. I'm excited. I didn't get Kat or Marissa anything yet because I can't really find anything, especially when my mom is holding/saving my money for me and wont give it up :). but yeah.

this week is looking good...next week = even better.

and my sister is so pregnant she can burst any day now!! :)

49.

I CAN'T WAIT FOR MEXICO!!!!!

48.

Tomorrow is my first day off from both jobs in a WHILE.

I'm excited. I plan on:

Cleaning my room.

Organizing hair & makeup products (I got a new storage thing)

Making cupcakes for Emia's birthday.

Getting a shot.

ya. I'm excitedd.

47.

I never write in here anymore.

I'm content with life.

Not with my school situation at the moment, but whatever.

I work every day, both jobs.

I'm leaving for cancun on april 23 and my flight is at 6. I can't wait.

soooo many birthdays this month, i'm going broke.

today's my mom's.

april 16 - marissa's

april 17 - kat's

april 18 - kitti's

april 23 - martina's

then I go to mexico, I come back and it's nearly may!(my birthday is may 17!)

I got martina this juicy couture bracelet for her birthday, I love it and I hope she does too.

I haven't gotten anyone else a gift yet, but I went all out on Martina's because this past christmas I didn't have enough money after buying gifts for my family to get her or kat anything, but martina always goes all out for me. so I spent around 85+ on her.

I want to take my mom to get a pedicure, that has been my plan for her birthday but I'm not sure if she even wants that, and I had no idea what else to get her. which is sad. I used to know the perfect thing to get her.

We're going out to lunch for her birthday today.

stress stress stresssss!

46.

haaaaaaaaaaaa.

45.

In a haze, a stormy haze

I'll be 'round, I'll be loving you always, always

Here I am and I'll take my time.

Here I am and I'll wait in line always, always.

44.

I should be writing in here. but I'm just happy Manny is back here for a little bit.

Last night was a lot of fun.

43.

I should be writing in here. but I'm just happy Manny is back here for a little bit.

Last night was a lot of fun.

42.

Don't go looking for me there.

I left so long ago.

You had your chance to love me.

Now, I don't know.

Let's just say, things are slowly changing and I don't like it.

I wish I could just let some people know how I feel, but then I'd risk ruining things. I don't let people into my heart or head, and I hide my feelings so well... Sometimes it really bothers me. Kat and Martina can ALWAYS tell what's wrong, and they know everything.. EVERYTHING about me. I don't know. I have this turning feeling in my stomach and I can't stand it any longer. I need to get my mind off things and onto new things. or just nothing at all.

I started downloading all old cd's that I used to listen to in middle school and the beginning of high school. shit's wild, and bringing back so many memories.

I want to do something new and exciting, but it's hard when I have work all the time.

I can't wait till six flags opens, i want to bungee jump so bad.

Today I'm working 12-4 but after that I am gonna go out shopping with my sister in law, Chrystal. It will be a gooooood time.

and tomorrow, after I work 12-4, I will be heading up to Martina's house, and we're most likely gonna hang out with Nick and Sam. I'm excited for that. If we don't maybe we'll go to the city or something. who knows.

41.

I hate having a fucking heart.

I can't wait to get out of here.

40.

Fuck.

39.

Yup I like life..... NOT.

uuuuuuuuuuuggghhhh.

my hours for this week.

Sunday 4-9

Monday  

Edible: 9-?

Food Town: 5-10

Tuesday

Food Town: 11:30 - 6:30

Wednesday

Edible: 8-?

Food Town: 4-9

Thursday

Edible: 12-4

Friday

Edible: 12-4

Saturday

Edible: 8-?

Food Town: 3-730

Tired.Tired.Tired.

I'm tired of being single, I think.

But I don't want a relationship. 

Actually, I don't know what I want.

I want something exciting to happen.

I can't wait for my vacation to Cancun with Martina.

Life is sooooo boring.

help me. ugh. 

38.

I haven't been posting and it's because I'm so busy with two jobs.

Always tired, but I can't help that.

Having terrible dreams.

I'm worried about school.

um,

Yesterday was cool. I worked from 8-12 at edibles and then 4-9 at foodtown.

I picked up Ray and we went to Emia's house (I can't really spell his name) Mij, Kevin and Greg were there. Then Janise came.

We watched them play COD which I have no idea how it works, but whatever. and then Emia was going to bed so Ray, Me, Mij, Kevin and Janise went to the diner.

I was in a weird mood because I was so tired I guess. I duno.

Me and Ray came back to my house and fell asleep.

Today we just hung out all day since I didn't go to work.

then I brought him home, came here and napped. and was seriously so out of it. I don't get it.

Then I called Skylar when  I was sleeping. turns out that he was supposed to call me to let me know that Marissa was coming over because her phone is retarded and she lost her contacts.

So fucking weird. I have no idea what made me call him.

and now I'm up, I have work at 12, but I don't want to go to bed because I don't want to have bad dreams. :/

OH I FORGOT TO SAY MY TATTOO CAME OUT LOVELY :) I LOVE IT SO MUCH

I just added pictures up top. they're the best I have really.

37.

AHHHHH! My tattoo appointment is tomorrow :) I'm excited.

Monday- got home from pa

Tuesday- worked at foodtown, my first day.

Wednesday-worked at edible, then foodtown till 7. then I picked up ray.

Thursday-brought ray home, delivered at ediblesss, worked at foodtown till 9, then picked up ray.

Friday- dropped off ray, worked at edibles, cashed my check(which was missing hours) went to see kat at her mommas house. then jill came over, and we went to martina's house.we were gonna goto the city but it started to rain. she wasn't allowed out so we went to apple bee's, then brought her desert. then we headed for home. stopped at walmart and i got some dress thang. then i went tanning with jill. stopped home. showered. picked up her friend jess and brought her to a bar. then we went to applebee's with chris. then we went to 7-11. and then back to my house.

and i seriously just woke up.

this week has been really really really REALLY good. and I've been extra happy.

I don't know if I'm going to the show tonight(have heart, bracewar) but I guess I'll figure that out later.

I'm going to work now, at foodtown. 230-630

and tomorrow = philly! ahh!! :)

36.

So, I got home pretty quick last night, no traffic..it was awesome. and so easy. which makes me wonder why Bean & Sky had such a hard time getting here because it's the easiest thing in the world.

Good news in tha weRLd today...

my parents are fixing my car for me!! :D

it's going to the shop now, unless they already took it there.I'm so stoked to have my own car back. I actually kind of miss it. but it's gonna feel weird having no power in what i'm driving anymore. and I'm definitely going to miss driving my mom's truck everywhere.

2005 nissan frontier nismo ed. > 2002 mazda protege 5 (wagon) ANY DAY

I start at FT today! At 3. I'm excited. my back still hurts.

I think I'm gonna eat breakfast and read some more of my book.

I CAN'T WAIT FOR CANCUN!!

35.

So, I've been a third wheel all weekend.

such a cool feeling dude

I really like it.. a lot.

Ugh. anyway. I'm laying here on Skylar's floor, excited solely because Martina & I's trip to cancun was just booked. I'm sooooooo excited to just get outta new jerz and go to cancun. I can't wait for the SUN and the BEACH.

I start at Food Town on Tuesday, 3-7. I am honestly excited to start there.

I'm gonna love the two paychecks a week.

Especially since I have a problem with spending, I can spend one pay check and put the other in the bank.

hahahaha. just kidding. I will put them both in the bank. I am giving myself allowance though. for things such as: one clothing item a week. but I need things for cancun so I probably will be getting things like, a bathing suit, towel, shorts, stuff like that.

We went to this crazy place today. It had a million trampolines and it was SO fun. (minus being the fifth wheel)

We also went to Body Mods and I met Chris, and he sized my tattoo for me. I'm so excited, it's only a week away. :D

Tomorrow my meeting is at 1:00, I forgot my parking pass at home. So I'm either going to park at a guest spot or go inside and get another parking pass.

Meh, well I guess I'm gonna try and sleep.

Hopefully I'll have dreams of laying on the beach.

Carrotz.

34.

HI!

Posting from Skylar's room.

33.

Lets see. so I handed in my papers at food town earlier and I start on Tuesday at 3. pretty cool.

My boss said they normally start people at minimum wage but since I have experience he will start me out at more. :D  

I didn't get a massage at the mall because the mall I went to didn't have the massage thingy there.

I went to Wood Bridge mall with Solveig, and we were there for a good part of the day. Pretty fun, it was good catching up. Then we got bubble tea. and pizza. it was my first time having bubble tea and it was the weirdest thing ever! But I like it a lot, and I'm glad I tried it. soooo weird tho.

Now I'm just sitting here, killing time before Ray comes over.? I might read some of my book.

I AM determined to get a massage asap.

32.

Okay. well. I got the job. I got a new phone and a new number. I hate my new phone, only because NOTHING will EVER compare to my iPhone, and the camera absolutely SUCKS. my brother sent me a couple links so I can unlock my iPhone.. I might try and do it, but idk.

Work has been so slow, I went in yesterday and left by 930. shit stinks, but it is pretty cool that I got another job. I wont have as much free time to sit here doing nothing, i'll be working a majority of the time. 

As soon as I get my paycheck, I'm going to the mall and getting a massage. I've been saying this for days now but I really mean it. Blah. My mom just made me a caesar salad. So I'm gonna go eat it.

31.

Haven't posted in quite some time due to working so much. I'm sick at the moment, coughing, aching, stuffy, sore throat, dry and congested cough, shit sucks.

ugh. I don't even know what to say. I just wanna get betterrrrrrrr.

and my phone got shut off. but I think I might sell my iPhone and go on my parent's plan because once i'm in college I won't be able to afford the monthly bill anyway.

bye.

30.

I am so ready for summer, and so fed up with work. I can't wait till the holiday is over. I have an interview at Food Town in Atlantic Highlands on Tuesday. I'm not quitting edible arrangements, I just want another job. 

Ughhh.  my head always hurts lately.

I'm tired 24/7

I don't remember if I wrote in my last entry or not, but I dyed my hair pretty dark and I like it.

and I have a month of tanning. and my tattoo appointment is now on Sunday, March 1st.

I'm debating whether or not to go tanning or what tonight. ahh.

29.

Blah. Yesterday was the first day I delivered all the orders by myself. It was fine and easy. I didn't get any tips though. this one lady in a trailer park told me that I must be crazy for what I'm wearing... I don't think she got out much because it was GORGEOUS outside yesterday.

Well I worked from about 10-5ish and then I went to the bank, and went home. I got on the train and went to the rangers game. Martina met up with my dad & I there. I lol'd because my dad texted me earlier in the day to bring him pants because he ripped his..hahahaha poor guy. so yeah, I had to bring him pants to change into. The game was okay, but the Rangers lost. :(. They've been doing so shitty lately. and I nearly lost my voice as I was leaving. My dad didn't drive to the game so after the game we had to take the train to Secaucus and then get a taxi to his job. Over all it was a fun game. My dad & I had a serious talk on the way home, and I liked it. I never really get to talk to my dad like that because I'm/he's never home and stuff. So yeah, it was good.

I might have to switch back to verizon because I can't really afford my iPhone bill, especially when I leave for college in August, and it's not fair for my grandpa to be paying for it. so yeah. I might just get like an EN-V 2 or whatever, I don't know.

I've come to realize being alone isn't so bad, but I will be lonely in no time. the talk with my dad last night really made me realize a LOT of things, which is good, but at the same time I'm just bummed about it. I don't let any people into my life/heart because I got so hurt last year, and I guess I'm just not letting anyone in because I don't want to get hurt again, I can't believe I'd rather sit around and pass up any opportunity just because I don't want to get hurt. Hurt happens, and eventually everything will work it out for it's self so I don't know why I think about this stuff so much. I guess when the right person comes along, I will be ready/willing to try liking them, or try having a relationship.. I don't know, I just think every guy is the same so it is hard for me. I gotta get out of that mind frame.

anyway, I'm off work today. tomorrow I work at 8. thurs at 12. friday at 8, saturday at 8. sunday at 8. we are going to be so busy this weekend at work, i'm kind of excited because I need hours/ want money! AHH.

My tattoo appt is coming up so quickly and I can't wait till the actual day. and I'm also pretty excited to visit school on the 23rd, but I have no reason to be. I guess because I'm picking my classes & junk, IDK.

Okay, I'm done.

28.

weekend update, I guess.

on Thursday after work, I went up to Marissa's college to hangout. I also got my n64 from Mike's house really quick.

We went to this dance @ Marissa's school, called a rathskeller. shit was WEIRD. I'm not really a clubhead/I can't dance so I was trying to make the best of it, but too much dirty stuff was going on. and it's an all girls school. me and marissa left the rathskeller early and went back to her room. played on the computer and then went to sleep.

Woke up on Friday, Marissa went to class. She got out & I drove her home, and I went straight to work. Got out of work early. :|

I've been with Jill all weekend and it's been great.

nothing too exciting happened.

I got a month of tanning, and I'm loving it. on a diet, and gonna start working out.

I want to sell some stuff of mineeeeeee.

27.

No work today..it felt nice waking up late for a change. Snow ruins my life. At least the roads are clear though. I fell asleep around 2, because I was sitting here with nothing to do. I woke up at 8 because I had a dream that I was hanging out with Kristie and I had to pee but it somehow just came out and got all over us. GROSSEST THING. So yeah, at 8am the road was COVERED and now I just woke up and it's like..sunny and there's absolutely no snow on the road. cool. But we did get a few inches. I hate snow. a LOT

Lalalala, so today idk what my plans are, other than selling my iPod to Karebear and going to the doctors. I'm in a cleaning mood, but I have nothing to clean. :|

As for work & stuff, I'm off every Tuesday, and every other Saturday. I work Monday 10-whenever, Wednesday 8-?, Thursday 12-4, Friday 12-4, and Saturday 8-?(if i'm working).

This month is looking pretty good, I guess you could say. I'm working Valentines day 8-5. We're probably going to be really really busy, since we have a LOT of orders in already. I'm going to count how many strawberries I dip in chocolate and see if it's more than what I dipped for christmas.(650 something) I reallllyyy wanted to see the Rent tour because it's touring over here, but I have no one to go with me. So I'm not gonna go. When my dad gets home from Texas, I'm gonna order Ray this shaver. Lifes so boring when he's on tour, I can't wait till he gets home. Every night all I do is video chat with Manny. which I love because I miss him, but I hate not hanging out with people. oh well.

So, Feb like..23 I have an advisement session at school to pick my classes. before I know it I will be moved in and getting ready to go to those classes. that stuffs so scary to me. but I am ready :)

and then Feb 28 is the tattoo appointment, and then I guess I'll be coming home to see the mongos/have heart show that night. I hate telling people that I'm getting a tattoo and stuff but this is my journal and I'm telling it here. haha. I don't like when people are like OMG YOU GOT ONE LET ME SEEEEEEEEEEEE. whatevaaa. okay.

I'm gonna go find some honey nut cheerios. I hope we have them. byeee.

26.

So I didn't drive the delivery van today, the dudes who insure our van/drivers split with the company and they have to find another insurance company. Mondays are my delivery days, and then I found out that I'm going to only be working every other day and I'm off every Tuesday. and THEN I found out, that I'm only either working morning till whenever, or 12-5 during the weekend. I can't decide, and I get first pick. Shit sucks. it's because I'm moving to PA in August for school. But, I guess maybe I'm going to try and get a job in the morning till 12ish. maybe in an dental office or something.

ugh.

I downloaded a shit load of music today. I'm selling my iPod to Karebear on Wednesday. I never use my iPod anyways. 

I have a doctors appointment on Wednesday, finally. Checking out all my blood tests and all that jazz to see what's wrong with me, and why my diabetic pills were making me gain weight, I guess. and I have to get the dreaded hpv shot. I hate shots, I hate getting my blood taken, but tattoos I can handle. What sucks the most is poking my finger to take my blood sugar.

I reeeeeeeeallly want a malti poo. they're sooooooo cute!!

I just baked brownies and I'm gonna go watch my shows. House, Gossip Girl and then One Tree Hill.

25.

It's time for an update. Let's see. Yesterday was Friday, I worked.. Napped.. Woke up and showered. Jill came over and then we got Laur, and we went to the mall and olive garden.  The mall was the worst idea ever. I can't stand Monmouth Mall to begin with, but it was over crowded with little hot-topic worshiping teens. I forgot that people hang out at the mall, but I guess that's because I never did. ha, whateverrrr. We went to Jill's to get her macbook, and then to my house to smoke. my mom caught us. that was weird. I didn't get in trouble, which was weird but I don't know how I feel about it. My mom was okay with it, she was just mad my window was open... haha whaaaaaat. just weird. I don't want her to think less of me because it's not something I do often..at ALL. ever actually. Ive only ever with marissa before. martina twice, and now jill and lauren. It's not something I am going to continue with, because, well, i'm just not someone who smokes weed all the time. (not that its a bad thing for people that do) I don't know. Then we went to Wendy's and Jill ordered in a freaking english accent which was HILARIOUS. and there was a truck blocking the drive thru. hahahah., then we went to BK for a veggie burger for me :) and then back to lauren's house where we slept.

I woke up this morning and went to work, did my thang, and then came home. there was people here already, including my uncle mike(my pop pops brother) who I was so absolutely happy to FINALLY meet. He lives in philadelphia and he's a splitting image of my grandpa. I was actually so happy I nearly teared just when I met him, he's so cute. So while we were waiting for guests to arrive, I did my hair and put on some clothesss. Once they all got here, I called my grandpa. I told him to come pick me up because I wanted to take him out to eat. and to come in the house because my dad had a gift for him. haha well he came in and we all yelled surprise, he was soooooooo absolutely surprised and he had no idea. it was the cutest thing ever. he was holding back some big tears... all HIS side of the family was there, that he hadn't seen in YEARS.

Man. I love my grandpa. (I posted a picture of him when he was younger up there. soo cute)

I just napped until like  8 when Kristen called me. She's coming over to hang out with meeee. along with Jill and Kristie. IDK about anyone else.

Tomorrow's superbowl annnnnd, I'm not doing shiiiiiit.

24.

I almost made a post about how I have no friends, but then I refrained, to save you all trouble.

Work was good today, I did the usual. Dip fruit into chocolate. We got paid a day early too. I forgot my wallet at home today(this happens often) so I didn't cash my check. My plans are for today..to hopefully cash my check. put money in the bank. pay my bills. buy a month of tanning. tan. and then come home. 

I am putting money away every pay check for the start of my half sleeve on Feb 28. It's so weird, I wasn't planning on starting my half sleeve for a WHILE now. But whatever. I want my feet done too. and I need to get my toes touched up because they're fading.

I'm so tired and lazy I never want to do anything. I want a gym member ship, just so I have something to do after work other than sleep and go through pages and pages of icanhascheezburger.com.

My mom made me the best salad ever today. This vegetarian thing is going along pretty well. I'm soo happy I bought this dressing @ costco when I did, because it's DELICIOUS.

Katarina came over yesterday for a couple hours with Erica. We painted on rings because we were bored.

This is pointless, and stupid. byeee.

23.

My days are sooo boring! I can't believe I went to bed with normal weather and woke up with all the snow on the ground. I can't wait till ground hogs day. hah. But, for real.. I can't wait for the spring.

In exactly a month from now I am getting tattooed by Chris from Body Mods at the Philadelphia Tattoo Convention. I'm soooooooooo excited for it.

Momma & I went to the store today & got me some new stuff to eat for lunch. This weekend is looking pretty lonely. I got nothin' to do on Friday besides work. Saturday I have work and my grandpa's 75th surprise party, and Sunday i'm not doign anything. Maybe I'll pick up my nintendo from Mike's if my mom lets me. Speaking of Mike, he texted me today. really weird.

ANYWAYS. I did nothing productive today whatsoever. I am going to re arrange my room and get rid of my desk. My bed room is going to be the most boring thing ever. I need a tv in here. 

With that being said, my dad & I are building shelfs in my room for my stuff from japan, and possibly for books.

I finally am going to do deliveries on Mondays, once the weather clears up. it's pretty cool. 

asdoiasodashd I can't wait for my tattoo :D!!

22.

Last night was a lot of fun. I hate that he's leaving, and I wont see him till like, mid-february maybe later. shit reeeeeally sucks.

Ray left at like 620am ish and I didn't go to work today. I was supposed to, work is really important to me, but my friends come first. I feel bad that I called out but there was no way I was going to work and actually be able to function. so I slept all day and here I am. my shows come on..now actually but I don't like to watch it live because I like being able to skip through the commercials. 

Kat told me that I forgot my license in her car. actually my whole wallet. so I couldn't drive to work today anyway. 

Now I'm just talking online waiting for a couple minutes to go past so I can watch my show. I want ice cream or something but we don't have any here. except rays, from like last week. but i'm not gonna eat it on him. and right now i'm looking at shavers for him from my dads company.

okay. time to go get cereal and watch tv. byeee

21.

Welp, lets see. I had a really eventful weekend. 

Friday, I had work, cashed my check and came home. I ate lunch and waited for Katarina to come over. I fell asleep waiting for her. When she got here I had just gotten out of the shower and we got ready and went out to get sushi. I got vegetable teriyaki. It was pretty good. We came home and watched the damn show dvd, and then video chatted with Sky and Bean. Then we got bored and went to chili's for dessert. I fell asleep pretty early that night. 

Saturday, I got up for work and worked till about 12. picked up marissa. filled the tank. went home. got ready. went to a pizza place. went to frankies to get the gps. then left for the tattoo convention. The drive was so easy. we parked in the lot and head in to the convention. we got there about 630ish. we met up with mark in the lobby and he took us in. we found kristen, then wandered around a bit. we decided to goto inner harbor and get food. we got chipoltes, my friggin favorite-ist place to eat ever... and i got vegetarian tacos. sooo different than what i'm used to getting, but i loved it anyways. we went back to the convention and kristen told us to go up to the room. so we all went up and the hotel room was literally a party. marissa and kat went downstairs to see marissas artist.  anton, fubu, fiacco?, i think fubu's girlfriend and two other dudes were in there. and then within like 20 minutes everyone was outta the room. marissa and kat came back upstairs and we sat around for a bit and then went downstairs. this girl had a fennox? fox. cutest thing ever. I want one soooo bad now hahaha. and then we hung out till like 230 and i passed out.

today we woke up and kristen curled my hair while we caught up. then we drove home. we put in the gps the "no tolls" option and it took us a different way. the scenery was pretty gorgeous and i'm happy we did that. then we went to wawa and i noticed i had gift cards in my wallet and i checked how much was on it. we all got food with them. i had like 12$ left. pretty cool. then sum 41 came on the radio and we got hyper while we were driving through the town. thennnn we got pretty far on 295 and i didn't want to drive anymore cause i was tired so i switched with marissa. we dropped marissa off and came to my house. me and kat hung out for a while and then billy came over. now i'm sitting here posting my weekend and video chatting with bean. and im waiting for ray to come  over but he's still at band practice. blah.

20.

Today was an exciting day at work. I went on a couple deliveries and I'm going to be delivering on Mondays. exciting. woo.

I called Penn College today, and I have to go there on February 23rd to set up my classes. and I'm also going to go there on March 11th with Kat because she has her placement test then and I'll just wait for her while it's going on.

My sister's baby shower is on March 22nd. She's due on Kat's birthday.. April 17. WEIRD STUFF.

Umm. IDK what else to say. I'm gonna go watch food network, and probably take a nap. and definitely take a shower.

:) bye.

19.

Work was good today. I don't know what's going on lately, things are boring. I need to go to the doctors, I haven't been able to get my checkup since my blood work anyways, and I need to see what happened with my medicine.

I fell asleep today at like 230 and woke up at 6, and thought it was like 6 in the morning. that would have been awesome if I fell asleep all night.

Anywaysssss, I wanted to write more in my last entry but Jill and I were so tired so we went to bed.

Jose Tejas was delicious, I got black bean & corn empanadas and seriously one little one filled me up. I brought the rest home with me. Manny's last day here is Saturday, seeing as he's moving to Arizona on Sunday. It's gonna be so weird not seeing him anymore, and I don't want to begin thinking about it. and Ray's leaving for tour next week again, it's gonna suck, bad. I'm gonna be so friendless it's disgusting, seeing as they were the only friends I hung out with for months. and it also SUCKS that Kat lives at Frankies because I can't just walk over to her house when I'm bored anymore. I mean.. I can but I'd have to hang out with her mom and john or michael and well.. I love them and all but I mainly go there for Kat. I'm really happy that Jill and I are hanging out again because I love the little girl to death. and then there's Marissa who goes to stupid college that sucks and I only get to see her if she comes home on the weekends.

Okay, I'm rambling about my friends now. I'm really just bored, and I have no one to talk to because no one talks to me during the day.

I've been talking to Ian  lately, which is good, he's gonna help me with the whole vegetarian thing.. which is awesome and I'm doing so greatly at so far.. granted, I do know a lot seeing as I hung out with Solveig almost every day of my life a couple years ago and she is one too. I learned a lot from her. We're(Ian and I) gonna go to this place called Veggie Heaven up north, he said it's amazing and delicious, so I'm excited for that.

So, I'm gonna start applying at dental offices for jobs because not having steady hours really gets on my nerves. Chrystal sent me one on craigslist today, and I applied. I hope it's close because it looks like a great job.

and I'm beginning to think I might be single the rest of my life.

If this is the case when I'm like 30, I'm going to adopt a baby.

I think about too much. but that's what happens when I don't talk to anybody during the day besides people I work with. 

and I had a dream that Bella was sleeping on me, (which she was) and my mom told me that I better watch out because Bella's fleas will go into my armpit and into my shirt... hahaha. weirdest thing because she's probably one of the cleanest cats I've ever seen in my life.

okay.  I need to stop. byeeeeeeeeeee.

18.

Today was a good day. I worked. Came home. Took a nap. Woke up. Showered. Did my hair. Went to my POP POP's house. Visited Jill at work. Got Gas.

Picked up Ray from Mij's and went to Manny's house. Hung out for a while & Jill met up with us and we hung out for a little bit more. We went out to eat at Jose Tejas and met up with Janise and this kid Emia.

Now Me and Jill are sitting here and my mom just flipped out on me and seriously looked like a psycho/dragon.

uh, I'm tired. Good Night.

17.

By the way, I plan on buying these ^ soon. I'm thinking of getting another job.

Amongst other things, I plan on opening another savings account, and putting money into it. I plan on Fixing my car, and buying some new clothes when I have extra money.

16.

Last night, I ripped my room apart and cleaned it. I re-arranged my closet and my draws.  I'm so excited for that, I got rid of a lot of useless clothing. Joey came over and we hung out for a little bit and then Devin came over and we went to the diner. It was a lot of fun, I haven't seen Devin in FOREVER, so it was nice seeing him. Devin dropped us off, Joey checked his stuff on my computer and then left. I got in a really weird/upset mood last night and I'm thankful that Martina was there for me to talk to me, especially since i've been acting really shady towards her lately. That's what friends are for though :) . I didn't go to work this morning, so I slept till about twelve. My grandpa picked me up and we went to Walmart( I got a flannel), and  Lay-z-boy or whatever, looked at stuff there. Went to the Woodbridge mall, and I got 2 cardigans(a red one and a blue one) at Hollister. Then we went to Costco, and my grandpa got stuff for his house. and now, I'm here. Cold. Tired.

This Saturday, Katarina & I are going to the Baltimore Tattoo Convention. We have nothing else to do.

Oh and I decided to try and become a vegetarian today, and it's working out smoothly. I'm going to look up a bunch of recipes and maybe start making my own dinner and stuff. I want to try out some vegan recipes too, although I'm not going vegan.

okay. bye.

15.

And I'm afraid

to sleep because of what haunts me

such as living with the uncertainty

that i'll never find the words to say

which would completely explain

just how I'm breaking down.

Someone come and, someone come and save my life

maybe i'll sleep when I am dead

but now it's like the night is taking sides

with all the worries that occupy the back of my mind

could it be this misery will suffice?

~~~~~~~~

I have so many feelings bottled up. I hate it.

14.

What happens when the summer's over?

How long before distance becomes a chore?

I'm approaching with great, great trepidation.

I hope you'll understand.

Well, it's Sunday and that means the weekend is over, which I am NOT happy about.

I'm all blaaaah because Bean and Skylar had to leave this morning. It's always great when they are here. I had an amazing weekend.

Well today is Manny's goodbye show, but since I don't have a car, I couldn't go. I didn't realize how quick he was moving. A week from today. It doesn't seem real. I'm going to miss him, but hopefully when Kat & I go to Arizona we can meet up with Manny when we're there.

I gotta go apply for financial aid again. and do some school stuff. see ya.

edit: I didn't apply for financial aid or do any of the stuff for school but I re-arranged my closet, cleaned it out well, got rid of a LOT of clothing, and cleaned my room and made my bed and alll that good stuff. I'm going to TRY and sleep.

<3

13.

A year ago yesterday I was cheated on. ^_^

Yesterday, Jill and I drove to Philly to see City & Colour. Let me freaking tell you that they were fucking AMAZING live. FLAWLESS. SERIOUSLY. I was sooooo happy I got her those tickets for xmas. 

Today is Friday. I'm pretty excited about that. Skylar and Bean are on there way to my house for the weekend.

I am going to shower now and finish getting ready. :)

12.

11.

Please excuse my fucked up attitude, but I don't give a fuck about you.

I decided to write a entry about myself.

but then I decided I would get no where with it.

Anyways, 

This week is going by slower than expected. I'm tired and I'm hungry. I just want tomorrow to come, so I can see City and Colour, and then the next day is Friday. :). Marissa might be a little more excited than I am for this weekend. I'm really happy for her.  I'm also freeezing. I want to rip my heart out of my chest. My heart is cold. I feel like I don't have real feelings. ever. It annoys me. There's no reason for it to be like that, but it just is. I'm not interested in a relationship, but then again, I am...very much so.

I got problemz but a betch aint one.

Bored as shit. I don't know what to say.

Someone save me.

10.

I bought Betsey Johnson socks and they didn't fit over mine or Marissa's feet.

Just sayin'

09.

I can't go to the Pocono's this weekend. I have to work. but Skylar & Bean are coming over :D I'm ecstatic about that. I feel bad about not going to the Pocono's but I can't just ditch work. and I don't have any clothes to go skiing anyway. All weekend we're hangin' and Saturday we're going to the Mongoloids show I guess.

Anyways.

I bought some ring maker for Marissa and I. we basically just paint on a piece of plastic in a shape of a ring. and voila.  

I'm about to go in the shower. I stopped taking one of my medications, but I'm still taking the other two. I haven't been able to go to the doctors to check up on my blood work but hopefully I can get on that soon. Also, I have to make a dentist appointment soon. 

I'm not looking forward to valentines day.  I mean, I never do because I've never spent it with anyone... but I'm not looking forward to dipping 1949830 strawberries at work for it. hahaha. hopefully I get out early because Marissa & I have plans. ;)

ohhhhh...this weekend. I can't wait. <3

08.

I'm writing just to write. I'm weird. I bought a bowl yesterday. I don't even smoke...  and I don't plan on making a habit out of it. The only time I smoke is when I'm with Marissa, because I trust her. I don't like when people think less of me when/IF I smoke. It's natural and it comes from the ground. Don't judge me :).

I day dream too much.

I want to cuddle all day long.

Someday I would like to have a ROMANTIC boyfriend.

Someday I wish guys would look at me and think I am pretty and funny. and not like the ugly, fat, boring person/friend I am.

Sometimes I wish to not think so negatively about myself.

Sometimes I wish I could stop thinking I annoy people when I don't.

Sometimes I wish I wasn't scared.

Sometimes I wish I were good enough.

Sometimes I wish I had confidence.

Sometimes I wish...

AGAIN, WHY AM I SO WEIRD?

I post in here way more than I post in my live journal.

I think I like this better.

Don't mind these annoying random posts. 

07.

My week this week looks exciting. ...but not really.

I have work Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday..

Thursday I'm going to Philly to see City and Colour, I'm REEEEALLY excited for that. Friday, Saturday and Sunday I will be in PA to ski/snowboard/snow tube in the Pocono's? and I'm coming back on Monday morning I think.

Man, I wish I were starting college this semester. I'm like really >:O about it. but whateverrrr. and I think I'm going to get a night job to keep me busy. I'm bored with my life. Work isn't busy whatsoever

Tonight I went and saw Milk with Katarina, Marissa and Kristen. It was a goooood movie.

This is pointless. Goodnight.

06.

Work was boring as usual today. On Monday I get to actually make the arrangements instead of dipping fruit in chocolate, or putting fruit on skewers. In a little bit, Kat, Marissa & I are going to a sex shop. We have nothing to do today. The snow sucks. I don't have work tomorrow. I'm bored with life.

It's so nice not having any drama in my life. I love having friends that don't cause it.

I just want to sleep forever. I'm so anxious for school and I don't even start for MONTHS. I hope this year goes by quick. I would really love to get all of those things on my list done...but I know some of those things are just out of the question.

I want a little puppy.

I want too much.

05.

I woke up this morning to a great text message. Ray is coming home, the weather is too bad for them to be touring. I'm so excited. Tonight is the annual soccer awards dinner. I dyed my hair.. I had ugly roots. umm. I'm about to paint my nails and put lotion on. My hair doesn't look any different. 

I haven't been in a good mood these past two days, and I don't like it. I definitely know why too. Eh. whatever.

Bye.

04.

Okay, here we go with my list.

these aren't in order:

1. Spend more time with my family/animals.

2. Stop thinking that I am a burden to everyone in the world. (this probably wont happen.)

3. Lose a LOT of weight/start going to the gym/buy a gym membership.

4. Eat healthier.

5. Make new friends

6. Grow my nails out.

7. Trim my hair every few weeks to keep it healthy.

8. Save up a bunch of money.

9. Try to like myself.

10. Be completely happy.

11. Maybe get a boyfriend(if that's possible) 

and that's all I got so far. When I think of more, I will add onto the list.

03.

Let's see. I have this weird feeling inside me that I just really don't like at all. I'm confused about some things but there's no reason for me to be confused. Things are not complicated for me whatsoever but I think too much into things and make it complicated for myself.

I'm retarded.

I finally have work today after three days of not enough business for me to go in. I miss fruit. hAAAAAAAAH

I'm going to think of a list of things at work I want to change about myself/improve about me. and I will post it when I get home.

la vie boheme

02.

here's a post from my journal from the new year of 2007.

"

[21 Jan 2007|11:00pm]

[ mood |  complacent ] I need to grow up & stop being a baby, and stop pushing every boy I come in contact with, away. and I need to stop being rude to people for no reason. and I need to stop pushing friends away.  I love the girls I work with, and I love hanging out with them. I just figured out my new years resolution : stop being afraid of every good thing that might come into my life, and stop pushing things away that are good for me.

post comment

"

(If you can't read that just highlight it)

that never happened. I still do this. I won't hang out with new people. I'm a scaredy cat of everything that could be good in my life. I'm skeptical of every person I meet. ESPECIALLY guys. I don't trust ANYONE, except my family, and Kat & Marissa.

WHY?

01.

So I've had this blog for quite some time.. but I usually post in my lj.

reading back on my old entries on here just.. i don't know. I had to delete them. but I'm starting fresh with a new layout & new entries. I would love to post every day, but I don't have a very exciting life.

Let's start with Christmas Eve.. I don't know if I can remember every day since then. I have a terrible memory.

Christmas Eve: I worked from 7-2:30 ish, my boss gave us a gift. a 50$ gift certificate and her husband came in with champagne/smirnoff/beers to celebrate. and lunch. we ate and I had a sip, although I don't drink. So I left work and did some shopping. Went to church at 7. then went out to eat with my grandfather at applebee's. afterwards I went to Solveig's and hung out for quite some time.

Christmas: My sister slept over with her pregnant belly in my bed. We woke up and opened presents. I got new cookbooks, a new leopard print comforter, a betsey johnson purse and a new macbook. Then we were done opening presents and I picked Martina up at the train station. We went to my nana's. Then we came home and we were bored. Jill came over and we went to 7-11 and the movies. Ray, Ryan, Bryan, Manny and Mij came over. We all hung out till like 330. Ray left for tour on the 26th. 

I have no idea what I did on the 26th.

 or the 27th, 28th, 29th, 30th. except for working.

I have the worst memory.

So new years eve. so low key. I spent it with Kat Frankie and this kid Joe. kinda boring.. I was falling asleep. no new years kiss no nothing. I only wanted it from a certain someonem but not even. uhhh..whatever. no one knows who I'm talking about. anyway, It was fun just boring. does that make sense? no. but whatever.

Everything has been a blur since. I just go to work in the morning, come home and play on my laptop. Last Saturday was the soccer expo and this Friday is the soccer awards dinner.

On Sunday, Me, Marissa, Martina, Kat and Sandra went to Philly to see Trapped Under Ice. good show. got hit in my eye ball. that's okay though. It didn't bruise or anything, just watered for a long time. We got sonic in PA on our way home. Skylar texted me and told me him & Bean were coming over. We dropped off Sandra and then Kat. and realized Martina wasn't going to make the train. so we drove her home, We had to kill time anyways.

So: Skylar and Bean took forever to get here but it's absolutely okay because I'm happy they got here safe. They got here at like 6:30 am. hahahaha. anyways. They got here and we decided to watch RENT. I love that musical. so much. we didn't go to sleep at alllllllllllllllllllllllll. We were all so lazy all day. so about around like.. 4pm maybe? we went to bed. got up and went to dinner at chili's. went to blockbuster and got some gay movie. not another gay movie I think it was called.  literally. I enjoyed it though, I thought it was funny. When I was watching it, I was thinking, what the fuuuuuuck is going on? But when it was over I realized I liked it. It was a legit funny movie. They stayed over until yesterday at like.. 3:00. It started snowing lightly over here. I didn't want them to leave :[.

But now Marissa and I are just sitting here. on our laptops. hungry for lunch with nothing good in this house.

I'm out.